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Look, things have been real unsexy lately, and the Earth is probs exploding in 50 years anyway. Who knows how long we’ll be able to enjoy the simple pleasure of being horned up and raring to go? So let’s just cut the BS and call this what it is: a call to action to trade in your subtly initiated “What are you doing rn?” booty calls for “I’m horny, wanna fuck?” ambition. Better yet, embrace going home horny tonight. Take a horny half-day. Book a frickin’ horncation and leave everything else on read. There’s a whole world out there just waiting to get you hot and bothered. Attention must be paid.



The most random place I’ve gotten horny:

“While sitting in gridlocked traffic. I was wearing a dress, so I masturbated in the car, which turned out to be shockingly easy to conceal—I only had to stop a few times whenever a truck passed. It was a great way to pass the time!” —Liv, 31

“I was at a Reiki session and started getting super turned on thinking about seeing my boyfriend later. When it was over, the Reiki practitioner told me she felt ‘what could be considered the peak of an orgasm’ during my treatment.” —Kyra, 21


 
Jamie Nelson/Blaublut-edition.com

Confessions: What-Makes-You-Horny Edition

  • “Looking at really beautiful charcuterie plates on Instagram”
  • “Ears”
  • “A guy making me a grilled cheese”
  • “My boyfriend sucking my toes”
  • “Eating a fruit salad”
  • “Noises that annoy me, like muffled, off-pitch karaoke singing”
  • “A dude crying, lol”
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  • “Sad movies”
  • “My partner’s driving”
  • “Trapeze class”
  • “A cowboy hat”
  • “A Cinnabon tweet when I was ovulating”


    An anticipatory look at the horniest highlights of 2020:

    Bet we can tell the days you’ll wanna clear your calendar the most in the new year. Here’s our guide to the upcoming horniest days in 2020, including everything from movies to condom launches, new sex toys, a rumored Beyoncé tour, and astrological events.